Our First Baby's 4th Birthday...

Exactly 4 years ago today, at 9:01 pm, our first son, Jonathan David, was born. Less than two hours later, he left us and went to be with Jesus...

It's hard to believe it's already been 4 years. We wanted to remember him in a special way today and in particular, share more about him with Daniel. I was hoping that today would be more of a day to celebrate his life and that it wouldn't be too sad... However, it was... I spent a lot of the day in grief...missing him terribly. This surprised me; I didn't expect the grief to be so strong after 4 years. But I received an e-mail today from Pastor Dan, the Pastor who faithfully stood by us during my pregnancy, birth and first months after he passed, saying:

"Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you today on this anniversary date. Much has happened since then, but I am sure the mother's pain will never completely disappear." 

Yes, Pastor Dan, you are absolutely right. Today was confirmation that a mother's pain will never completely disappear. I hope to remember this for the years to come, so that I won't be so surprised by the sadness that took over me today... 

Despite it all, we still managed to bake a birthday cake for Jonathan David with Daniel. And we talked a lot about him. Daniel still doesn't fully understand, but at least now he knows he has a brother, his name is Jonathan David and that he lives in Heaven with Jesus. It was very special to hear him articulate this...

Here is a video of us singing Happy Birthday to Jonathan David together and some photos. Daniel was so excited about the cake!

To our first born, Jonathan David:

We miss you so much... We still grieve your loss. However, in our grief, we still have hope! Hope that because of our Lord Jesus, we will be with you again one day, and it will be forever.

We love you!

Papai and Mamae

Psalm 139: 13-16

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.