Hi Loved Ones,
So I've been putting off writing this post...I was diagnosed with borderline anemia over two weeks ago which helped explain why I had been feeling so utterly exhausted most days... but now that I have been taking extra iron supplements, I have started to feel more energetic (though of course still very tired some days, due to being in the third trimester). And of course, juggling family life, Daniel's busy summer program, work, etc. has kept me busy. However, the truth is that I have been reluctant to write this post because of the heartbreak our family experienced this past February. But I can't just ignore what happened in February, in fact, I want to record what happened so that I will always remember.
My aunt Nena (Maria Helena, who made several appearances on this blog over the last few years) passed away the evening of Valentine's Day. So appropriate that she died on "the day of love" because she was truly one of the most loving people I have ever met. The way she loved me, and our family, was so special, so unconditional, so real, so pure, so giving, so selfless, that I consider it a true blessing from God to have experienced.
And we miss her... SO much. She has left a huge void in our lives. Now that it's been over 5 months since she passed, it feels like it's even harder than when she was first gone... I know that with time I will get used to her not being here, but it is still very recent. In 2012, we spent so much time together... she used to spend at least a week a month at our house and had her own room. She used to call me almost every day, just to check if I was OK. She was our only family here in the U.S. and just such a special person, truly one of a kind.
Nena had gastric cancer but in the end, she died of complications from a surgery to remove a recurring tumour. She went to the hospital for her surgery confident that she would be out two days later, but God had different plans... The day we arrived back from Malaysia was the day of her surgery and for almost 4 weeks, I spent many of my days at her side. It was an emotional roller coaster as she was in and out of the ICU, some days doing better and others much worse... It was hard, very hard. I was just a few weeks pregnant and experiencing terrible nausea and the hospital smell just made it all worse.
But, about a week before she passed she was doing much better and we had a wonderful conversation. I was able to share with her that I was pregnant and showed her the 8-week scan photo of our baby. When she looked at it she opened her eyes widely and said "Hi baby! Oh, you will be gorgeous!" She was so happy I was finally pregnant since she had been praying for a long time that I would have another baby. When I told her the miracle had happened in Malaysia, she said: "I told you going on vacation would be a good thing!" There she was, on her hospital bed, very sick, but still making me laugh, still loving me so much! I will never forget that last conversation. She told me she loved me and was so thankful that I was at her side...
Though Nena had never married or had children, she didn't spend any time alone in the hospital. Some of the nurses actually got annoyed that there were so many people visiting her every day. And others were amazed at how many friends she had. We heard a few times that there were patients in the hospital that didn't have anyone visit them, despite having family in town. The fact that she was constantly surrounded by people is a testimony of who she was to many and of her love for others.
The evening she passed, she was surrounded by thirteen of her closest friends. I held one of her hands and kissed her many times as she went Home to be with her beloved Saviour. How she loved Jesus! He was her everything and He used her to touch the lives of many. We sang some of her favorite hymns and prayed. It was hard, very sad, but God gave us peace and courage to let her go.
We now live in the comfort knowing that she is Home and no longer suffering and that our time apart is only temporary... She lived for only 63 years and she had a hard life. But she made the most of it, always tyring to see the positive in everything, making the most of each day she was given, especially to serve and love others. It was time for her to go, as much as it is hard to accept...
Nena, thank you for your love. Thank you for being such a good example of how to love others and of generosity. I still have a lot to learn from you, but your example will always live in me. May I love Jesus and be faithful to Him as you were until your last breath. May I continue to look for the blessings in everything despite the hardships. May I not let the trials of my life make me feel sorry for myself or give up. May I love and serve others more and think of myself less. Thank you for everything you taught me. I love you and miss you so much. I miss your laugh, your endless stories, your accent, your encouraging thoughts, your phone calls, your singing, watching TV next to you, your delicious food, your presence... I look forward to being reunited with you again when Jesus calls me Home and we experience true joy and peace together. I will always remember and love you Nena, you will always be a strong part of me.
Photos from December 2012:
The last photos we took of Nena before we traveled to Malaysia
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| She asked me to take photos of her next to her Christmas tree and nativity scene. She mentioned she thought it could be her last Christmas... |
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| She always had several presents for Daniel... |
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| She loved her baby Jesus and let Daniel hold him -- very special! |
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| A Christmas dinner together at our home... |
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| I love this hug... |
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| My last photo with her... |
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| She was so excited to give Daniel a circus tent... |
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| And he loved it! |
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