Since boy wonder just recently turned 1, I have been reflecting a lot about how he has impacted me. I had heard before "that children teach their parents a lot" but now I know from experience that this statement is true. It's almost a year since I wrote this blog when Daniel was 6 weeks old, about how I was learning that "it's not about me anymore." I knew that I was undergoing some intense training in the selfishness department but boy, today I can say that I didn't realize how difficult that training would be!
Having Daniel has been one of the most amazing but also challenging experiences of my life. I think that because I had experienced the tragedy of losing Jonathan David, I subconsciously thought that I would be able to handle other challenges quite easily. After all, what could be more difficult than losing a child?
But, becoming Daniel's mother brought its own difficulties. I have always theoretically known that having a child would be demanding, but the reality is that nothing could have prepared me for what I have experienced this past year. The sleep deprivation was very difficult for me to handle. At about 3 months when he was going through a growth spurt, I started to feel a lot of anxiety and experience insomnia. It was horrible. Thank God, my sister visited me at that time and provided some invaluable support and then later, I went to see a counselor who really helped me realize I needed to give myself time to adjust. The anxiety didn't last for long, and from 4 months onwards, I started to accept the difficulties, adjust better and enjoy my new role as a mother more and more.
But it wasn't just the sleep deprivation. I have also come to realize that serving people is really not my forte (I did kind of know that before, but now it's been confirmed!). For Jonny, for example, serving comes much more easily and he enjoys it. I had always been very spoilt in that department; growing up in developing countries we always had house-help and then later, I married Jonny who due to his gift of serving (and my gift of receiving :-)) continued to spoil me. But, once Daniel arrived, everything changed: as his mother I had to learn to serve him, day and night, and in every aspect of his life. Serving a child is particularly self-sacrificing because it is constant and requires a lot of patience, perseverance, strength, energy and tons of love (and you don't get much encouraging feedback either)!
However today, a year later, I can wholeheartedly say that I'm so thankful for Daniel. Not only for the great blessing, joy, and cuteness that he is, but also for what he has done to me "in the inside." God has used Daniel to grow me in many ways; He has used my son to prune my branches so that I can become a better person - more selfless, a greater servant, and more dependent on Him. John 15:2 "Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit."
And for this, I'm very thankful. I have by no means arrived in this department, however. There is still a lot of pruning to be done. Serving, though it has become easier over the past year, is still not easy for me. There is still a lot that Daniel has to teach me. But even though growth is often difficult and painful, I'm looking forward to growing more . I'm looking forward to it because I know that for those who believe, God uses everything for our good - all our pain, all we experience. He uses everything to help us become more like Him, the greatest of all: the Lord Jesus.
Thank You Lord for my son. Thank You for pruning my branches. Thank You for teaching and growing me. I pray that I may bear more fruit for Your glory.
Having Daniel has been one of the most amazing but also challenging experiences of my life. I think that because I had experienced the tragedy of losing Jonathan David, I subconsciously thought that I would be able to handle other challenges quite easily. After all, what could be more difficult than losing a child?
But, becoming Daniel's mother brought its own difficulties. I have always theoretically known that having a child would be demanding, but the reality is that nothing could have prepared me for what I have experienced this past year. The sleep deprivation was very difficult for me to handle. At about 3 months when he was going through a growth spurt, I started to feel a lot of anxiety and experience insomnia. It was horrible. Thank God, my sister visited me at that time and provided some invaluable support and then later, I went to see a counselor who really helped me realize I needed to give myself time to adjust. The anxiety didn't last for long, and from 4 months onwards, I started to accept the difficulties, adjust better and enjoy my new role as a mother more and more.
But it wasn't just the sleep deprivation. I have also come to realize that serving people is really not my forte (I did kind of know that before, but now it's been confirmed!). For Jonny, for example, serving comes much more easily and he enjoys it. I had always been very spoilt in that department; growing up in developing countries we always had house-help and then later, I married Jonny who due to his gift of serving (and my gift of receiving :-)) continued to spoil me. But, once Daniel arrived, everything changed: as his mother I had to learn to serve him, day and night, and in every aspect of his life. Serving a child is particularly self-sacrificing because it is constant and requires a lot of patience, perseverance, strength, energy and tons of love (and you don't get much encouraging feedback either)!
However today, a year later, I can wholeheartedly say that I'm so thankful for Daniel. Not only for the great blessing, joy, and cuteness that he is, but also for what he has done to me "in the inside." God has used Daniel to grow me in many ways; He has used my son to prune my branches so that I can become a better person - more selfless, a greater servant, and more dependent on Him. John 15:2 "Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit."
And for this, I'm very thankful. I have by no means arrived in this department, however. There is still a lot of pruning to be done. Serving, though it has become easier over the past year, is still not easy for me. There is still a lot that Daniel has to teach me. But even though growth is often difficult and painful, I'm looking forward to growing more . I'm looking forward to it because I know that for those who believe, God uses everything for our good - all our pain, all we experience. He uses everything to help us become more like Him, the greatest of all: the Lord Jesus.
Thank You Lord for my son. Thank You for pruning my branches. Thank You for teaching and growing me. I pray that I may bear more fruit for Your glory.
Photos of Daniel from about a year ago...
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Yes, nothing is more refining than having children! I used to think I was a pretty decent person, then I had my children and was reminded of how much I need Christ in every way!
ReplyDeleteAninha, my "mensageira do ceu".
ReplyDeleteI take my hat off to you for this testimony in your blog! How wonderful to read the lessons which you have learnt throughout the Daniel's first year of life! Besides that, I am very proud of you, my daughter, for your humbleness, sincerity and courage to expose your difficulties and internal fights to become better person and better "mamae", consequently better God's child. I deeply thank God for you and thank you very much for teaching me these positive attitudes, and allowing me to grow as well. Kisses from Mommy